Sinner's Redemption- BraveLiver's Poetry Contest Entry

[BraveLiver]

Crazy comp problems lately guys, so I'm sending this in from a library computer. It's short, but I'm sure most of you will understand by the end.

The smooth, gleaming white tunnels wind away in front of me
as men in black take me to where they deem fit.
Deep bellows of the Gods of War above make the ground
I stand upon shudder in fear.
We finally stop, and they stash me in a room with a heavy door.
I am afraid, but I know it could be worse.
I am a coward, and they should be punishing me...
yet they won't.
Their duty is not to the land, nor its people,
their duty is only for the leader, no matter his faults.
A swift burning wave of nuclear hate washes all life away
on the surface, sparing the one who the enemy wants dead.
My people are incinerated for my crimes,
my people are brought to justice while I have...
...immunity.

I am the president...
I will survive...

Is it not true? Why should regular people die when the enemy only wanted to make the president pay for his crimes?

[TNHeartbreak]

So BL, you r a Bush Hater? I don't think Osama Bin Ladin was targeting for Bush on 911. But of course, I know nothing of politics, I am just a kid, what would I know? Anyways, though interesting and good, there is so little fiction in it... Man, your writings these days are leading away from FanFic, (the room, Our Saviors killed themselves, Sinner's redemption) good job anyway. Hope to see more coming from you, i'll be here watching!

BTW: Check out our little taggy game, might find some surprising elements

You wanna use proper grammar, or what? You can spell out a word; this is a place where you have time to think and write out your posts. 'r' is just unacceptable. Read the rules.

[Inquisistor7]

Well, not bad. However, I myself am a supporter of the President, so I am going to have to respectfully disagree with you, BL.

[BraveLiver]

I'm not specifically targetting my neighbours to the south. Any country's leader seems to get away from pissing people off by using their people as meat shields. Anyhoo, it turned out I posted the wrong version anyway. Serves me right for making two different saves. There's only two real differences, but I'll post it up anyway.

The smooth, gleaming white tunnels wind away in front of me
as men in black take me to where they deem fit.
Deep bellows of the Gods of War above make the ground
I stand upon shudder in fear.
We finally stop, and they stash me in a room with a heavy door.
I am afraid, but I know it could be worse.
I am a coward, and they should be punishing me...
yet they won't.
Their duty is not to the land, nor its people,
their duty is only for the leader, no matter his faults.
A swift burning wave of nuclear hatred washes all life away
on the surface, sparing the one who the enemy wants dead.
My people are incinerated for my crimes,
my people are brought to justice while I have...
...immunity.

I am the leader...
I will survive...

[Webbicles]

This seems more of a chant than a poem. Regardless of the political suggestions, it was merely ok.

[Flak]

Originally Posted by Inquisistor7

Well, not bad. However, I myself am a supporter of the President, so I am going to have to respectfully disagree with you, BL.

Further analysis along that vein might do better in the OTF ;)

But it's true that such a work's message may sometimes override its quality, as people often care more for the content than the packaging. My first reaction to this was of a political nature; as it seems it was for some others. Perhaps the content detracts from the packaging; perhaps you just wanted to get the message across?

Either way, the poetry was ok once you get past the message and are able to fully appreciate it.

[zosselelia]

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