Shadowblade, the Hunter

[lordshadowbane]

Prologue
Years before the first invasion of the Burning Legion, a baby was born. The baby was named Korahn. At this time the world was peaceful. Although the tranquility of the world did not last. Around 25 years later a band of demons and satyrs attacked the unsuspecting village. The Night Elves were overwhelmed by the enormous numbers and they're infernal might. The parents were slaughtered before the child's very eyes and the child himself was taken. The leader of the band, an Eredar named Aragos (which meant "Terrible One" in their language), took the child with him to Outland.

Aragos presented the Night Elf child to the Pit Lord Magtheridan. Aragos sensed greatness in the young Night Elf and trained him to become a warlock. Unwilling, the child tried to escape on many attempts. All the attempts were in vain. He would be punished and tortured when he rebelled. He aided in many Burning Legion attacks although he hated the thought of betraying his people.

At last, after centuries of waiting, his liberation came. On the same cycle (demonic units for days and nights) Illidan defeated Magtheridan, Shadowblade as he was known escaped into the portal out. Aragos, his terrible master, disappeared.

When he first re-entered Azeroth, he stared in awe at the world before him. He had never seen so much life. He joined a dark band of demon hunters led by Shadowsong. He soon became the top apprentice of Shadowsong, who was condemned by his sister Maiev when he joined the demon hunters. Although there was one thing that troubled him, he yearned to avenge his family and atone for his sins for betraying his kind...


My first story. I know its not very good so plz send comments on ways to improve it, things you like, and how good the plot is. Thnx for the comments.

[Inquisistor7]

Well, to be blunt, the concept is not very original, but if you put effort into it then the story can be nonetheless enjoyable.

[Flak]

Truth be told, it seemed kinda choppy, like the sentences were being regurgitated by a machine of some sorts. Very few commas, lots of 'noun verb direct object' sentences. Try for diversity in your sentence structure, it increases the quality of the read.

[lordshadowbane]

Large poundings echoed throughout the forest. A formation of demons emerged from the dark forest of Felwood. Shadowblade waited patiently and silently for them to leave the territory.

"Why haven't they left already?" he wondered while watching on the top of the cliff. He was sent here to eliminate the leader of this group of demons. He gazed at the sky which was dark. The sky immediately was illuminated with a flash of lightning. Then he heard a horrible scream echo and quickly spun around and stared down and saw a group of sentinels attack the demons. "Perfect, a distraction "

He slowly climbed down from the cliff while watching closely to the battle. The battle seemed to be in the sentinels favor although more demons entered through the portal. Quietly and stealthily he ran through the through the woods careful not to be seen by the sentinels who would shoot him once the demons were dealt with. Once he was inside, he sped hastily towards the portal site.

He was greeted by three felguards. "So, these are the great bodyguards the legion sent to guard Searinoth." He taunted. "Perhaps you were too pathetic to engage in the battle with that band of Sentinels."

The felguard on the left said, "Foolish Night elves, always arrogant. Weren't you the elf who was reduced to a servant in Outland?" while charging towards Shadowblade.

Shadowblade quickly dodged his blow and ran his blade through his helm. The second and third felguards swung their blades at Shadow. Holding his blades tightly, he blocked both attacks and elimated the the demons. "Weren't you the demons who was reduced to ashes by a servant in Outland?" he mocked triumphantly.

"Aragos made a mistake when he took you as his apprentice. I congratulate you for defeating my guards. Although don't let triumph of defeating those pathetic warriors get to your head, I will succeed in making you an amusing trophy."

Shadowblade spun around he watched as a powerful dreadlord step down from the dimension portal. "Searinoth..." he spoke to himself.

[lordshadowbane]

Shadowblade clenched his warblades tightly. "So this is Searinoth..., he thought to himself. The tattoos on his body started glowing brightly.

In response to this Searinoth raised his hands in the air and an eerie glow emitted from his hands. Shadowblade quickly charged towards him and halted halfway. For a moment there was silence. A thud interrupted the silence when he dropped his blades. He fell unconscious and posed no thread any longer.

When he awoke he was tied with strong cords of ropes. His surroundings were different and he realized he was in Ouland. Two Succubusses greeted him with whips. A loud howl was heard as a whip hit him across the face.
"How can I get out? My blades are on the opposite side. Wait... I remember learning one of my basic yet most potent skills. What was it called...Immolation!

Immediately the powerful twines burned out and were scorched. The succubusses were reduced to ashes as he swept passed them to grab his blades. "Pathetic, the powerful Dreadlord requires his women to fight for him?"

A huge swarm of bats knocked down the demon hunter. After he regained his senses he watched the Dreadlord charge towards him. Being a well trained warrior he managed to dodge the Dreadlord's blow and give his own equally as powerful. It slit his side and the Dreadlord fell down weak and cowering.

"Wait... I can give you power...just spare my life..."

"Just like a demon...show me..."

The Dreadlord slowly stood up and led him into a library full of dark books and artifacts. One artifact stood out the most, it was shaped as a crescent moon like a demon hunter's warblade.

"Incredible..." said the hunter as he approached the blades and crouched. He examined the weapons carefully. The Dreadlord waiting for the perfect moment to strike, struck at him with his claws. Shadowblade was prepared for a betrayal and blocked the blow. The Dreadlord flew back with his with a gust made by his wings and was at the very end of the room. Searinoth raised his hands and a familiar glow came out. Acting fast, Shadowblade charged straight at him and a green bolt of dark energy came out of his fingertips. The bolt sent the Dreadlord flying back, weak and powerless.

"No please, I'll help you ....ahhhh" With a finishing blow, Searinoth was vanquished. He walked back towards the blades eager to seize them. He sensed great dark power within them. He read the inscriptions, "Demonblade".
"I remember hearing about this artifact in Outland. The blades were known to corrupt and malipulate the wielder to serve the legion. The wielder was given unfathomable powers. Heh...I won't succumb to these dark blades...
And he grabbed the blades and re-opened the portal.

"It's time I go home..." He said as he dashed towards camp with his two new dark blades...

[Inquisistor7]

The sentences in the first part were still of the variety Flak mentioned. They improved as things went on, but things felt rushed. Take your time, flesh out the setting more, and try to evoke images with your words. This was okay overall.

[lordshadowbane]

When Shadow returned to camp he found the place in ruins. The flames licked the sky and the stench of death overwhelmed the air. "What has happened here? Who did this?

A band of satyrs appeared from the ruins. The head of the pack shouted, "Ah you fools, Lord Ashfire commanded us to finish off the survivors."

"I don't know how you managed to defeat a band of well trained demon hunters but it doesn't matter, I've grown much more powerful than them and you."

"Slay him and make sure that they're no others still alive." The satyrs screamed a horrible warcry and charged towards Shadowblade.

Easily, Shadowblade wards off they're blows and slices pass them. The only satyr still living was the leader who was panting and struggling for breath. The satyr's head was tilted back and knew his time had come. Shadowblade grabbed his throat and forced his eyes to meet his. "How'd you defeat the hunters?"

"We found the place like this...heheh..."

"Don't lie...Who sent you?"

"Ashfire has the answers... if you want him... he's in Azeroth..."

He threw him aside and ran to the nearest dock with revenge in mind.