Forests of Lordaeron-Elves and Trolls

[SuRReAL OrC]

Introduction:

Zin'badar gazed around the lush, green forests of Quel'thalas. He looked back at his toop of tattooed, lightly armoured Forest Trolls. They were situated high in the evergreen trees, standing nimbly in the wighest boughs. Anyone elf you passed the underlying road would be dead. One of the trolls restlessly twirled his axe in his hands. The group was bored, the only creature to pass by was a tawny-coloured cat. When the Eeves did pass, however, they would be ready.

Laen looked back at the gates of Silvermoon. He brushed back his long, blonde hair and abruptly turned around and walked briskly down the cobblestone road. The tall elf rearranged his pack so it didn't dig into his weak back. "Can't believe it..." he mumbled. His father; an aristocrat in the upper classes of Silvermoon, had sent him out to one of the human towns to purchase some package from one of his 'business partners'.

An elf. Walking quickly down the path, oblivious to the danger above. A throwing axe plunged down, ramming itself between the edge of the road and the large root of a tree. One of the idiot trolls got excited and didn't aim. Now the elf was running back to Silvermoon, to alert the other wretched land-stealers. Zin'badar dropped from the tree, and pulled out a throwing axe. If he focused, the elf wouldn't even make it halfway.

First fanfic. Feedback?

[SuRReAL OrC]

Nobody? :g-shake:

[SteniS]

pretty good... :D

[SuRReAL OrC]

CHAPTER 1:


The rain poured down in torrents, soaking anything in it's path. The trolls lay silently in the underbrush of the woods, the elves on the opposite of them. A small brook babbled along in between the two groups. A bird sang in the distance, the leaves rustled in the wind.

Zin'badar

"Men you be gettin' ready, now." The troop drew their throwing axes. "Aim." said Zin'badar in a grim tone. The small group aimed their axes. "NOW!" Zin screamed. Axes spun out of the ferns and reeds, embedding themselves in the trunks of many trees, sparing the lives of a group of elves. The other group wasn't as lucky. They hadn't moved fast enough, and the small axes tore through the fair elve's skin. Blood seeped out from behind the trees, and washed into the brook, silently dissipiatating itself into nothing.


Aen'thos

Aen'thos gazed around the surrounding area. Half her company of elves cut down by the flying axes. She clenched her bow, turning her knuckles a pale white. Slowly, quietly she whispered "Draw your arrows." The remaining elves drew out arrows and fitted them into their bows. "Ready." "Aim." "Shoot." A flurry of arrows launched themselves out of the woods, over the brook, to the trolls. Screams resonated on the green filth's side.

"Die, you vile things!" one of the female archers yelled. A cry was uttered from the opposing side, and an axe lodged itself in the defiant archer's hip.

"Let that be a lesson to the rest of you." Exclaimed Aen'thos grimly.

Zin'badar

The elves were losing. The fair-haired band of female archers were no match for Zin's troop of elite axe throwers. And if the should die, he would hunt them himself. He would tear the wretched elves limb from limb, make them pay for the land they stole. Rustling came from the elve's side. They were retreating. The trolls took to the trees, their reflections below them in the brook. Zin's red-tattooed, blood-dyed mohawked form dashed through the bows in pursit of the fleeing elves. One of the trolls had taken the time to get a net out, and a few seconds later, one of the elves who was lagging behind was entangled in it. Two trolls leaped down, and took the screaming elf into the deep dark of the woods. A sacrifice. Most of the elves had escaped, butanother small portion were lying on the leaf-covered firest floor, with axes embedded in their bodies. A good night's hunting.

[Bullroarer]

Try to make your chapters a bit longer.

[SuRReAL OrC]

I knew they were too short. Oh well, the next will be longer. :y-thumbsu

[FanMan]

Since I like you, I'm gonna be a cold, harsh critic.

You used too many fragments, you need to proofread your work (toop? What's a toop? OOHH, you meant troop!), and, as Bull said, your chapters are too short.

Gimme more.

[SuRReAL OrC]

Since I like you, I'm gonna be a cold, harsh critic.

You used too many fragments, you need to proofread your work (toop? What's a toop? OOHH, you meant troop!), and, as Bull said, your chapters are too short.

Gimme more.

Toop!? Oops. :toothy: I'm assuming you're Flak. Why did you get banned, man!?

[FanMan]

Correct, Flak is the only one who likes you, n'est-ce pas?

Got banned for bypassing the word filter.

[Flak]

Hmm...seems the ban wasn't permanent and I am able to return to my body. I'll be posting in THIS form then.

[SuRReAL OrC]

Good to see you back. How did you do it? Not that I'd use it. :toothy:

[Flak]

Not telling :y-sneaky:

[SuRReAL OrC]

You probably didn't do it on purpose. I don't think you know.

[Flak]

****


there, happy? If you wanna see how it's done, quote my post.

[SuRReAL OrC]

:scared: OMFG.

Man, edit your post!

[Flak]

It's too late, now.

[SuRReAL OrC]

Chapter 2

Aen'thos

Aen tried to flex her arms. The tightly-tied ropes of the troll's net were tight, and the fact that she was lying in the muck and leaves of the woods didn't help at all. The troll camp she was being held in was small, if her troop had found it, the ramshackle bundle of huts and tents would have been razed by now. The group had been searching for this very place, the troll's supposed base camp. That's the thing. It seemed much too small. Unless there was something she was missing. She was lying on the bog-like ground, after all. The ground was so different from the soft grass of Quel'thalas. This 'Zul'aman' was a strange place.

Aen was tired. She had been sitting in the filth for hours. Now hungry, nervous, and fatigued, she couldn't help it. She was falling into a sleep that would certainly spell her doom. If she didn't stay awake, the trolls would have even more of an upper hand. At least she could struggle when she was awake. If she could just break the bonds of the net, she could reach her shortbow. Even then, the trolls would most likely kill her. Slowly and painfully too, not like the others, who just fell to the ground, and that was it. The others. The memory of them enraged her, and she screamed out into the woods; "You monsters!" "The elves will never lose to the likes of you!" Her cry of defiance echoed into the woods....

Many minutes passed. The aura of the troll's little village camp was tense, every moment could be her last. Just as Aen'thos began to close her eyes and sleep, a the outline of a tall, muscular body trod into view. A troll. Green-skinned, large-tusked, mohawked and tattooed. He lifted her net, and shouted something into the boughs of the trees, his cry being answered by a low-pitched, gutteral sentence. Out of the corner of her eye, Aen saw a large hook lower from the trees, which the grounded troll proceeded to latch on to her net. The disgusting creatures had decieved her. The base was in the trees.

Zin'badar

Zin watched the elf raise up, up from the ground on to a wooden platform high on the trunk of a rather large tree. Hehehe, the stupid elf struggled the whole way up. He could see the whole camp,trees and all from his hut high in the branches of the highest tree in this section of the forest. The troll who had fastened the elve's net to the hook strutted back to into the underbrush and tree roots. He would report in a few moments. Until then, he would watch the elf struggle pointlessly and laugh. Laugh at the elves, and eveything they stand for. The trolls were taking back Quel'thalas.

Many months back, in a planned raid of Silvermoon, a young elf had dashed his death. The blundering troll who was too hastly died for that mistake. Now the elves knew about the troll's plans to take Quel'thalas. All because of that one troll, and that one elf. If Zin ever found him, he would make him die, slowly and painfully. Silvermoon would be dead now if not for him.

The net was level with the platforms now. Zin signaled for her to be brought to the hut below him. A troll strode up to his side. "Sir, dah elf has nuthin' on ha." "She seem' to be weak, de spores on de net have weakened ha."

"Goo'" Replied Zin. "De slaves be bringin' ha to da sacrifice hut now." "Go down, an' wait fo' me der, an' preapare da tools."

[Flak]

a the outline of a tall, muscular body trod

'a the'? Please elaborate. Also, it would be trode, for the past tense.

The disgusting creatures had decieved her. The base was in the trees.


Realistically, an Elf would notice that, but it's quite a nice touch. I also like how it comes to us in the narrative.

a young elf had dashed his death. The blundering troll who was too hastly died for that mistake.

Something isn't working out here.


Apart from the first and last quote, I find your writing has greatly improved, though it seems too short a period of time to secure a definite change. Also, the length was good. Interesting chapter, can't wait to see what awaits the Elf.

[Warpblade]

The tightly-tied ropes of the troll's net were tight...

Woops.

It is getting better - you do have a better sentence balance now.

However, those still are too short to be chapters really... maybe longer, or write several sections and consolidate them.

[SuRReAL OrC]

Chapter 3

Aen'thos

The village in the trees, which Aen had not noticed. She could not believe that she didn't notice it until she was being raised into it. Strange, the building seemed to just meld into the background, as if they weren't there, as if they were just parts of the trees. The hut she was being carried to right now certainly was noticeable, however, skull adorned the entrance, and blood was smeared on the cloth divider in the circular porthole. Hopefully her blood wasn't to be added to the crazed streaks of red.

The elf's whole body ached. She had been thrown into the hut, and was knocked unconcious on impact. The cruel beasts didn't even have the pity to kill her in her troubled sleep. No, they had to do it slowly and painfully, while she was awake. The vile things wanted her to feel the terror. They were no better than the evil beasts that hunted in the dark woods.

Almost as soon as she woke up, Aen'thos watched a troll stride into the hut, chest puffed up chin protruding. He looked down his nose at her, and bared his teeth. Then he laughed. He laughed at her, and she didn't understand. It was just plain evil, the troll standing their, all high and mighty, laughing at a trapped, exhausted, hopeless person. Aen screamed as loud as she could, right at the troll. He stopped laughing, took his hands of his hips, and drew out a small axe, which he used to cut the net open. The net was open. What should she do next? If she moved too fast, death was inevitable.

Zin'badar

The elf sat in the remanents of the net. Slowly breathing, contemplating her next move, Zin assumed. Well, he would see what she would do. He was going to have some fun, no matter what she did, however. Zin'badar signaled to two small trolls, who sealed off the doors of the tree hut. With the doors sealed, the level of light was greatly reduced. The only light coming through was from an opening in the roof letting a small, elf-sized amount of light into the room.

"Well, well, well." "What do you be havin' her, hm?" Zin paced the room, but always kept his glare on his prisoner, his prey. "A foolish elf, dat's what we be havin'!" He yelled. "You be dyin' today. But I be givin' you a chance. See dis room? Many 'ave died here, fightin' fo' der freedom." Zin'badar threw the axe in the air, and it twirled back into his hand. The elf stood up.

Rain poured down through the opening in the roof, and in a matter of minutes, the small chamber was thoroughly soaked. Zin walked around the perimeter of the room, watching the elf. "So, you be ready to die?" He inquired. "You monster." Replied the elf. "Monster? Am I bein' da land stealer? Did I kick you out 'o ya homelan'?" The elf was silent. Zin threw a wooden hook; the 'tool' he needed, past her head, purposely missing, just to intimidate the elf. Who was obviously not intimidated. Ready to die, after all, this one.

Aen'thos

Despite her exauhstion, Aen dove towards the wooden hook that had been thrown into the damp, wooden wall. She tore it out of it's lodging, and whipped around. The troll had a spear in his three-fingered hand. Oh boy. This was about to get interesting. The troll sidestepped around the edge of the room, watching the elf with his staring, amber eyes. He abruptly rushed towards her, bellowing as he came. Aen dodged left, and the troll drove the spear into the wall behind her. Aen took the chance and attempted to slash the troll's back with the small hook. However, at the same time, the crafty creature ripped out the spear and twirled around, knocking the tool out of her hand, and into the roof. Aen was out a weapon.

Things looked grim for the small elf. The troll had thrusted the spear at her twice, and the second time had hit home. Her thigh was now bleeding profusely, and walking was near impossible. Aen collapsed, and dragged herself below the opening in the roof. The troll was laughing and watching her struggle. He had settled on small podium, spear in hand. A strand of material caught Aen's eye. A rope. With one, weakened, battered hand, she grasped it. A great strength was obviously on the other end, as she was being pulle up, up from her doom.

[Warpblade]

Rule number 1: When writing dialog, each time a different character starts speaking, they get their own paragraph.

Rule number 2: (and this one is broken by people on this forum all the time...) The correct form is,

"I hate eating cereal for breakfast," breathed Marissa.

NOT

"I hate eating cereal for breakfast." Breathed Marissa.

Rule number 3: Two periods between sentences. It goes like this, you see?

Rule number 4: Improper semicolon. A semicolon is used to join two distinct sentences - in your sentence, there are not two sentences. Let's break up the parts.

Zin threw a wooden hook; the 'tool' he needed, past her head, purposely missing, just to intimidate the elf.

Part 1: Zin threw a wooden hook. This is a standalone sentence. Good.

Part 2: The 'tool' he needed, past her head, purposely missing, just to intimidate the elf. NO. Not a sentence.

See below on how to correct this.

Rule number 5: Don't use careless fragments that do not serve as emphasis! Example: Who was obviously not intimidated.

Rule number 6: Quotation marks are to be used if and only if you have a quote or a word/phrase that is being used in a way that might be unfamiliar to most.

Example of correct usage:
After a week with the natives, I found that their unusual introduction to English presented difficulties; I was asked to "dog the walk."

You've probably had other kids do it, or you've done it yourself - the two-fingered claw-like quote thing that's supposed to be sarcastic. That's incorrect usage.

Rule number 7: Don't repeat words too much! This is very obvious in with your use of intimidate/intimidated in the paragraph I quoted below.

I've corrected a passage of the major issues, descriptive opportunities aside.

Rain poured down through the opening in the roof, and in a matter of minutes, the small chamber was thoroughly soaked. Zin walked around the perimeter of the room, watching the elf. "So, you be ready to die?" He inquired. "You monster." Replied the elf. "Monster? Am I bein' da land stealer? Did I kick you out 'o ya homelan'?" The elf was silent. Zin threw a wooden hook; the 'tool' he needed, past her head, purposely missing, just to intimidate the elf. Who was obviously not intimidated. Ready to die, after all, this one.

Rain poured down through the opening in the roof, and in a matter of minutes, the small chamber was thoroughly soaked. Zin walked around the perimeter of the room, watching the elf. "So, you be ready to die?" he inquired.

"You monster," replied the elf.

"Monster? Am I bein' da land stealer? Did I kick you out 'o ya homelan'?" The elf was silent. Zin threw a wooden hook, the tool he needed past her head, purposely missing to intimidate the elf. She did not even flinch. Ready to die, after all, this one.

---

[Flak]

And I thought I gave thorough replies...

Rule number 2: (and this one is broken by people on this forum all the time...) The correct form is,

"I hate eating cereal for breakfast," breathed Marissa.

NOT

"I hate eating cereal for breakfast." Breathed Marissa.

Rule number 3: Two periods between sentences. It goes like this, you see?


I pride myself in being among the top users of Number 2. I have tried to show this to others, but yet more showed them the wrong way. See, online, some people seem to know more, even if they are inferior in intelligence, and people go with what they say. It's hard to coach the mislead.

As for Rule 3, it's one period and a space, not two periods. It's not like this..Or is it? I thought it wasn't.. :lol:

[Warpblade]

Oops, it's two spaces. Hah. That's what I get for typing too much.

[SuRReAL OrC]

Teach me more, Warp-sama. :lol:

[Flak]

Why does everyone else get the Japanese suffixes? It's not fair! I won't have it! *growls* From now on you refer to Warpblade as sensei, which is far more proper than sama (you make it sound like you're his sex slave or something), and I'm Flak-sensei or Flak-san. Or ELSE. :y-evil:

*sniff*





No one thanks me for my help.

[SuRReAL OrC]

Teach me more, Flak-san. :lol: :bigclap:

[Flak]

:bigclap:

Post more and I'll give you feedback ont he level of my FF10Ifrit Schooling feedback post.

[SuRReAL OrC]

Chapter 4

Aen'thos

Aen looked at the strange wooden hook, she had snatched it out of the roof of the hut while being pulled away from her doom. She hadn't noticed it before, but the slim, smooth object had glowing, crimson runes on it. It seemed like garbage to her, but she realised it must be of some spiritual importance to the forest trolls in this village. She was intent on inspecting it, she hadn't noticed her rescuer, a tall figure, with broad shoulders, a large cloak, and a sickle in his hand. Another detail caught Aen's eyes. Where normal beings would have had feet, the being had cloven hoofs.

Aen felt the gaze of the creature on her. It was obviously powerful enough to rip her apart, after all, it had pulled her out of the hut with ease.

"Come, let us leave here, it isn't safe." the dark figure exclaimed.

"Uh, of course...." Aen replied. She followed the thing of the roof of the structure, and on to one of the thick branches of the trees.

"Does my appearance alarm you?" said the creature.

Aen didn't know what to say, she wasn't expecting it to say something like that. The cloaked being cast of his covering, revealing it's true form. A satyr.

"Hehehe..." "Shocked?" asked the satyr.

"I've read about you monsters." replied the elf. Satyrs were once night elves, as were the high elves, Aen's kindred. The awkward pair shared a common heritage. She tightened her grip on the hook. As much as she didn't want to use trollish equipment, she had to be wary. Satyrs were crazed muderers, serving only themselves, and their demon masters.

Zin'badar

The elf had escaped. Zin sat on the cold, damp floor, pondering. Who could have attempted to rescue her? No creature could navigate these woods, unless it had some type of tye with nature. After all, the only things that knew the way here were the trolls, and the animals. If something had befriended the local wolves.... No, that wasn't possible. The trolls had trained them to be sadisticlly vicious, even on animal terms. Another possibility was, one of Zin's own troops was helping the elves. Many interrogations were to be made.

The hook. Zin had forgotten about it. He searched the roof frantically, scanning it with his eyes. If he had lost that sacred ritual weapon, the elders of the troll society would have his head. The artifact was of great power, and was used by the greatest troll warlords to make sacrifices, and reap the souls of the enemy. Zin'badar had hoped to join the ranks of those warlords. But now, if he had lost that hook, his head would be hunted by every troll in Zul'aman.

Zin slammed the hut door open, and was greeted by a decrepit old troll voodoo
priest.

"How di' de killin' go, mastah?" asked the old troll.

Zin pushed him out of the was, and hastily climbed a vine leading on to the roof. That elf was definatly going to die this time, no games were to be played. Zin'badar gazed around the branches near the hut, his amber eyes spying two dark figures on a branch leading out of the forest.

"Fetch me mah spear, old one" Zin said to the voodoo priest, who seemed to be a bit rattled after being forced out of the way. "The hunt begins...." Zin's grim voice said, as his spear was raised up into his outstrechted hand. The two were to be killed in the woods, a sacrifice would be too hard, as they would escape again, most probably. Oh well. A troll would have to suffice.

[Flak]

Great installment. However, I am at my mother's place, meaning to use internet on my computer I need to walk three blocks to find the nearest wireless to leech. I am sitting on the cold pavement. I am freezing. I will go inside soon, and update here tomorrow. Cheers.

Note- there were few overall mistakes, and the installment was interesting. Keep up the good work.

[KrewL RaiN]

Yeah the writing is much better now then at teh begining were I had a hard time getting a picture in my head. No picture in head = somthing is wrong with the writing and that was the short sentences. Now I get the pictures playing in my head with the lastest chapters. I cant give more info then that for I'm no expert on writing

[SuRReAL OrC]

Chapter 5

Aen'thos

A tense aura surrounded the pair. Aen glanced over her shoulder, her elvish eyes scanning the forest behind her. The troll. Looking back at the satyr, she saw that he too had noticed the enraged creature, and by the look of him, planned to do something about it.

"Quickly, come this way" His deep voiced rasped out. Aen nodded her head, and followed the satyr across a slippery branch, a tricky task for Aen. The satyr, however, was nimbly dashing across the tree's branches, and was now at a crossroads in the organic pathway. Aen was trying to hurry it up, and in her haste, he foot slipped. She stumbled, and in a matter of seconds, she was hanging on the branch with both hands, her grip slowly giving away.

Trolls gathered on the forest floor below the elf. There was no escape this time, death was inevitable.

"Damn it, elf!" The satyr yelled. The troll Aen had battled was quickly making his way over to the two, and if he did happen to get there, they both would be in a hard situation. Very hard indeed.

Grafl

Damn. The large troll was coming this way, and quickly at that. The stupid elf was complicating things, the original plan had been to get the elf, hope she had the hook like I predicted, take the hook, and leave her to die. But now, if she died now, the trolls would take the hook back. Solution? Kill the trolls.

I drew my sickle out of my black sash, and yanked up the elf.

"Stay here" I said. "Or you'll die" It didn't seem to sink in, the elf was still rattled from her little tumble, but I left nonetheless. I leaped down a few branches, scaled a few trunks it was all easy for me. After all, I had seven-thousand years of practice, in the forests of Ashenvale.

Trunk after trunk, branch after branch, I finally made it to the troll, our eyes locked together. Neither one of us wanted to let the other get the upper hand. The troll gave a cry, twirled around, and stabbed at my face. Hehehe, this guy's has skill, I'll give him that. Still, I was going to win this battle. I kicked him right in the gut, knocking him down, ripping through weak branches, onto the forest floor. This was were the battle begins.

Zin'badar

Zin gave a hoarse cry as he tumbled down to the ground. His whole lower torso ached, his head felt like it was a working blacksmith's anvil. Pound, pound, pound, he lay on the ground, his head throbbing. His trolls stood around and watched. Zin'badar gave a long, piercing cry, and leaped back up to face the creature, who had leaped down to engage combat.

Grafl

The troll screamed at me.

I laughed at the troll. Morons, these things, they think they can scare me away with their mere voices? I'll show them fear. I'll jam the fear down their throats. Facing the crowd of trolls, I flourished my sickle, and then dashe into the fray, slashing like a madman. Three, four, five, they were falling by the masses.

"Is this all you can muster against me!?" I cry. Oh yes, the bossman troll. I guess it's his turn. I whip around to face him, just as he rams the spear in my shoulder, and a rip the sickle through his thigh. Both non-lethal hits. We separate, and the remaining trolls form a circle around us. I make the first move of this little duel, feinting an attack to his left, while twirling behind his back. I then grab his neck, and ram my knee into his spine with my right leg. Letting go of him, I kick him with my left hoof, smashing him into a tree trunk. Pathetic.

Aen'thos

Aen watched the fight from above, in the trees. She hadn't realised the true strength of the satyr until now. It was all clear to her, she must escape, the satyr would only kill her. Slowly, she turned away and balanced herself. She was getting out of Zul'aman, and going home to Quel'thalas. There, she would inform her leaders of the troll's hidden camp.

[TurinTurambar35]

[QUOTE=Flak]'a the'? Please elaborate. Also, it would be trode, for the past tense.QUOTE]

To be fair to him, he was right using trod, even though it was in the wrong tense. Trode isn't a word, perhaps strode would have worked better though?

Anyway I know it's picky but I thought I'd just point that out.