Email I got-Please take in good humor

[Nio the Namless]

This is a humorous email that I recieved. Though apprently I am not suppose to share it. So I censored the names and posted it here :) . Now before you read further this is not ment to mock any relgion and in fact I have read this part of the bible. So if your Jewish or Christian please be advised this is in humor though it does make it's point

DR is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. On her radio show recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as thought provoking.

"Dear Dr. :
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements:"


1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness -- Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4.** When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord -- Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6.** A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination -- Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there really 'degrees' of abomination?

7.* Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8.* Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9.* I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10.* My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16.) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
:g grin: :g grin: :g grin:


hope you can enjoy this in good humor

[Kingcrazygenius]

Damn, I gotta read the bible!

[zigaritzi]

is this the bible!?

agree with KCG...(only this point that is)

[Aj Windshadow]

The more I read this kind of Sh*t, the more I feel happy I'm not christian!

[ArPharazon]

I'm telling you, nothing beats being an atheist. You can laugh about this sort of jokes all you want, whatever religion is concerned. No worries about going to heaven or hell... just living your life the way you want it...

But that's enough of my rant. I don't want to get banned for religious discussion. Seriously. I'm not insulting anybody, there's a good chance I'm the one who's wrong. So please... don't ban me...

[Kingcrazygenius]

Oh sure, athiest is fun until YOU GO TO HELL! Meanwhile guys like me get to mock you all you athiests headed for the sixth and seventh levels (six for heretics, seven for those who speak blastphemy)

[BraveLiver]

I read this in a magazine before. Great stuff.

[TechnoHamster]

I only knew about 3-4 of those. Quite funny :g grin:.

[Flak]

Safety tip: If you encounter an aethiest, TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR IMMEDITELY!

Aethiests are bitter, grumpy old men that often lash out at children.


...and I forget the rest of it. I also forget the link at the moment, but it's some awesome serious Christian site that seems like a really bad joke to us aethiests.

"Have the dinosaurs been dead for a million years?"
"NO, they still walk the earth and swim the seas today. The world was made less than ten thousand years ago!"


Ahhh...google search objective, jesussave, and kidz. You might find it. Otherwise KCG can provide a link, or I can when I get home. (is at school)

[Dragolas77]

I like christians. None of the extreme ones though.

For example...

There was one site to go so extreme that they reccomended your kids should not read novels, as they never happened in reality... I could find the link, but not now

Banning pokemon is a common concept as well...

Or another thing i read is "A good question is to find an atheist, give him a meal, and ask him if there is a cook"

Religion has been proven wrong too many times for me to even think about trusting it anymore...

Also, hell is my worst nightmare, but that makes me think also, that they are so desperate, that they are attempting to scare people into religion...

[Kingcrazygenius]

*blink*

When was religion proved wrong? Let alone multiple times?

[Dragolas77]

Sorry, i shouldn't've said that. I meant some of the things it said was proven wrong...

Such as the world is flat. When columbus was about to investigate it, if i was correct, the catholic churches attempted to execute him...

Well... Er... once? Crap... i should shut my mouth now?

[Desert_Eagle25]

Religions shoudl change over time. Like how science does....

Otherwise, I'd rather stick to a 2nd hand Religion (Way of Life compared to Full Religion) Buddhism all the way.

[Kingcrazygenius]

On the contrary: if there is some godly force out there that determines a bunch of things in life, then changing religions would only serve to damn us all.

[KrAzY WaRRiOr]

That, sir, is friggin hilarious.

[Desert_Eagle25]

True. Still...that crap is....disturbing, to say the least. I bet if there is a God, he's sitting up there watching TV and ignoring his mom while she reminds him to feed his Human ant-farm :\

[Aj Windshadow]

Why would god, if he exists, let there be multiple religions if there was only one true religion.
Also as many say that their religion is old therefore it is true, that sounds weird...
The religion i belong to ( dont follow it just belong to it due to my parents! ) is twice as old as christianity or Islam..that doesn't make it better or worse .

Also Religions dont change so new religions are FORMED...they just represent what people want to follow in ever changing times.

[Kingcrazygenius]

Free will, duh.

[Kage no Musuko]

Why would god, if he exists, let there be multiple religions if there was only one true religion?

I think that all religions follow the same God in a way. They simply might worship God as many incarnations of His being or they may call him a different name. That's my belief (as a Christian), anyway.

And Flak, the link is http://objective.jesussave.us/kidz.html.

[SuRReAL OrC]

Lol!!! Number 8 is funny: How should they die?, Number 10 is hilarious, too!!!

[Desert_Eagle25]

You dont need to quote the entire damn thing....

[SuRReAL OrC]

Hate to grovel, but......Please mister mod sir don't ban me I'm just a puny little jerkass bum..........I see.....people quoting this and dissing me!

[A-Thousand-Lies]

I just realised something.

Bi-sexuality is not forbidden by Christianity.

W00T!

[mojojojomo]

Religions shoudl change over time. Like how science does....

Otherwise, I'd rather stick to a 2nd hand Religion (Way of Life compared to Full Religion) Buddhism all the way.


Which form of Bhuddism are you referring to? As far as i can tell, Mahayana style at least has as much doctrine and hierarchy as other religions, if not more. Even Zen (which, i assume is a sub-sect of Hinayana) seems distinctly religious. And then there are the parallels that can be made with other great faiths, such as the belief that by following the beliefs of one man, one can achieve some sort of Salvation (or Paradise or Enlightenment).

I mean, don't you actually need to devote your life to meditation and prayer (ie become a monk) to achieve Enlightenment? In someways, that seems just as extreme as waging a jihad or Crusade, just manifested in another way.

If this is incorrect, please tell me. I want to actually understand.

[Desert_Eagle25]

Enlightment is like...a 2nd path you can walk. It is the higher understanding of nature, all things around you, and life. It is the true self-actualization. Ones who can achieve it are usually monks, or those who have given up all desires and hopes, and devote their life to the ways of the monk. Generally this path is the most suggested, but alot ofpeople jsut cant give up their lives for it. "Next life, perhaps.".

Otherwise, you should live your life to the full extent, respect all of nature, all living things, and all those around you. Do not harm, or hurt any other living thing unless you are doing so for your own survival; and even then, be thankful of the death of the animal and respect it. Always remember that the Full Circle is in motion, and all will always come back to it's initial point; Negative energy returns to you, positive energy returns to you. Otherwise known as karma. When you die, your soul is reincarnated into a new form, and your new form and your new life will have certain pre-determined paths (i.e. you'll have paths within paths, within paths, within paths you can walk) that you can walk that are determined by your actions in your previous life. If you lived a good, prayerful life, always respecting nature and never harming, you'll generally end being reborn again and then have a generally regular/happy life. Perhaps a lucky life, even. This loop of reincarnation will go on forever until your soul eventually finds itself to enlightenment in one of it's lives, then it ascends into the higher plataeus of existence, sort of like Heaven, so to speak. Then theres talks of a "hell region" in some books. Some register it as eternal damnation for the eternally dark souls, or as a semi "waiting ground" for souls which cannot be punished in their next life, so pay for it in mental and physical punishment there. It's an iffy area.

[Flak]

I just realised something.

Bi-sexuality is not forbidden by Christianity.

W00T!

If bisexuality were forbidden in its purest form, humanity would be forced to live a lie, as all humans are fundamentally bisexual. Some of them simply have a preference for one sex over the other.

[BraveLiver]

Has anyone tried dressing up the rabbit? The link's on the bottom of the page.

I used Armor of God, but the sword had no effect on the bunny...

[mojojojomo]

Thank you for the clarification DE, but im still at a loss as to how you can say that Buddhism is only a second hand religion. It seems to have just as much doctrine as other faiths. After all, Chrisitanity (and i assume Islam) is, at heart, a way of life as well as a set of rules.

[Desert_Eagle25]

My bad, mojo. I seem to have stated IT IS a 2nd hand religion, when I meant to state it is a good AS a 2nd hand religion, which is how I place it. I know I'll never become a monk and reach enlightmentment, but I still follow many of it's doctrines in daily life, but not in such regaurd as a full religion.

[Flak]

It's not a bunny, it's a lamb, and the sword goes in the right hand. Dress the freakin lamb in EVERYTHING, looks like God's special creature.

[Diskordjah]

once I was in a pub, had myself a cup of coffee. some punk thought that only christians would drink coffee in a pub, and said to me "you're christian arent you? I can always tell". so I spent 20 minutes into arguing religion with him (and I did it damn well, better than most christians Ive heard) until I got bored and told him I wasnt one. that was fun.

I just realised something.

Bi-sexuality is not forbidden by Christianity.

W00T!

incorrect, the bible forbids the ACTION, not the sexuality. its the "laying down with men" that is forbidden.

[BraveLiver]

It's not a bunny, it's a lamb,
Close enough

and the sword goes in the right hand.
I meant that the sword seems a little blunt, it can't seem to cut :y-wink2:

[Flak]

Well, the other right hand weapon isn't much better now is it, Mr. Ape? :y-evil:

[A-Thousand-Lies]

once I was in a pub, had myself a cup of coffee. some punk thought that only christians would drink coffee in a pub, and said to me "you're christian arent you? I can always tell". so I spent 20 minutes into arguing religion with him (and I did it damn well, better than most christians Ive heard) until I got bored and told him I wasnt one. that was fun.



incorrect, the bible forbids the ACTION, not the sexuality. its the "laying down with men" that is forbidden.

Oh well. At least I'm an athiest.

[Nio the Namless]

I hate it when I do this...


These are jewish laws and (assuming what I have been taught is correct... which is sometimes hard to tell) that doesn't mean, as a Christian, I would have to follow these laws. These things are in the section are the history of the Jews after there exodus from Eypty... when they start pillaging the country side in the name of God (this is to put in bluntly).

These are more Jewish then Christian. Though as Christians we are required to learn about them.


I just realised something.

Bi-sexuality is not forbidden by Christianity.

W00T!
I beleive you are right good sir

[A-Thousand-Lies]

God damnit...Can one of you or someone else confirm that?

[Bullroarer]

Well in a way, it is all a matter of interpretation Nio. In the quran it is stated that we are all slaves. That does not mean we are slaves to other men, but rather slaves to god.

[Nio the Namless]

Well in a way, it is all a matter of interpretation Nio. In the quran it is stated that we are all slaves. That does not mean we are slaves to other men, but rather slaves to god.
Yes that is true, but that is how it was taught to me


ALT-I can try, though I doubt I will be able to find a 100% agreement on the issue

[SaroDarksbane]

Such as the world is flat. When columbus was about to investigate it, if i was correct, the catholic churches attempted to execute him...
Erm, no. This is a popular myth. In Columbus's day, everyone knew the earth was round, the church included.

[mulratt]

Erm, no. This is a popular myth. In Columbus's day, everyone knew the earth was round, the church included.

Right. Remind yourself that Galileo's days are before Columbus

[SaroDarksbane]

Even Galileo didn't get into trouble with the church because of his scientific views. Rather, they didn't like the fact that he didn't link his "prime mover" to the Christian God.

[I_r_smrt]

Also, hell is my worst nightmare, but that makes me think also, that they are so desperate, that they are attempting to scare people into religion...

OMFG. Web page expired? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? Well, there goes a half an hour of my life that I'll never get back. DAMNIT.

To sum it up (because I don't feel like typing it all over again) I agree with you there. I don't think its possible that a place like hell exsists. I am a Christian. I just don't see how someone could do ANYTHING in this lifetime to recieve the punishment of eternal damnation. I just don't.

And that email is some pretty funny stuff. Times change, thats all there is to it. The bible was written some 2000 years ago. Thats a long time. I mean, people already dispute the constitution of the united states. Serioulsy! Could you imagine if we burned people alive for planting two crops in the same field? GAAAH ENOUGH RAMBLING! MUST STOP! :y-crazy: If anyone wants to talk about anything, I'd be more than happy to do it. =D

[Kingcrazygenius]

Of course Hell exists, unless you think Lucifer is still in heaven poking at Job with a stick.

[SaroDarksbane]

Hell is an eternal separation from God. What that means is open to some interpretation, but I think we can rule out a big red guy with horns and a burning cave of red-hot pointy torture.

[Kingcrazygenius]

Well duh, the devil is described as a dragon or serpent anyways.

And I think I read somewhere that people are turned into worms in hell.

[SaroDarksbane]

Revelations is metaphorical. So when it says the beast will have nine heads, I wonder how many departments Microsoft has. :y-thumbsu

[Kingcrazygenius]

The Cabinet seems to have a few too many, oh well

[I_r_smrt]

Of course Hell exists, unless you think Lucifer is still in heaven poking at Job with a stick.

AGOIHSGSDG. I really have to stop posting at work. Or at least Ctrl+c what I say before I hit submit.
:y-dunce:

Anyway, what I said was that I think God loves us all and I don't think he would punish someone that heavily. I believe that there is some good in everyone. For him to send someone to be tormented and burned forever just doesn't seem possible. But thats just what I choose to believe.

I'm thinking more along the lines with Sarodarksbane. I took too long to post =P

[Kingcrazygenius]

Jesus loves everyone, but God's a total hardass

[Nio the Namless]

OMFG. Web page expired? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? Well, there goes a half an hour of my life that I'll never get back. DAMNIT.

To sum it up (because I don't feel like typing it all over again) I agree with you there. I don't think its possible that a place like hell exsists. I am a Christian. I just don't see how someone could do ANYTHING in this lifetime to recieve the punishment of eternal damnation. I just don't.

And that email is some pretty funny stuff. Times change, thats all there is to it. The bible was written some 2000 years ago. Thats a long time. I mean, people already dispute the constitution of the united states. Serioulsy! Could you imagine if we burned people alive for planting two crops in the same field? GAAAH ENOUGH RAMBLING! MUST STOP! :y-crazy: If anyone wants to talk about anything, I'd be more than happy to do it. =D
that is the way I think. God is suppose to be benevolent and stuff so I doubt that eternal torrture is often. Though I think Hitler might of received such a thing, or at least the length of each and ever Jew (or non-Jewish) person's life he killed to compensate for all the lives he destroyed. But thats just me

[I_r_smrt]

Jesus loves everyone, but God's a total hardass

ROFL. Thats so funny.

Hi Nio =D. I like the avatar, its pretty to look at.

[Nio the Namless]

ROFL. Thats so funny.

Hi Nio =D. I like the avatar, its pretty to look at.
Yes look at it... stare... your mind shall soon be under the sway...

(And thus I welcome you to the forum-I also found KCG's comment funny)

[mojojojomo]

These are jewish laws and (assuming what I have been taught is correct... which is sometimes hard to tell) that doesn't mean, as a Christian, I would have to follow these laws. These things are in the section are the history of the Jews after there exodus from Eypty... when they start pillaging the country side in the name of God (this is to put in bluntly).

These are more Jewish then Christian. Though as Christians we are required to learn about them.


Im gonna go out on a limb and assume you were refering to Disko's post, ok?

If so, then i'm afraid you're wrong. Homosexual acts are explicitly mentioned as sin after the time of Christ. Whether you believe that makes it wrong is another thing entirely though.

[Kingcrazygenius]

Yeah, but I like telling people what level of hell they are going to

Hmm...buttsex'll probably get to to the eight level (assuming sodomite means what I think it means) but just *** sex will probably get you to the second for lust.

[Flak]

Don't Christians follow both testaments? *is ignorant as too most religion*

I know Anubis weighed the hearts of Egyptians before they went on to the afterlife. 'S about all.

[Kingcrazygenius]

Those whos hearts were too heavy were eaten by a hippo-dog-croc and ceased to exist.

[Flak]

The croc demon! I remember him, but I didn't remember his name, so I didn't bother mentioning it.

[Nio the Namless]

Don't Christians follow both testaments? *is ignorant as too most religion*

To be honest, it depends on your preacher. Some believe the knowledge to understand the new testament is locked in the old. Some believe is more of our ancestories history, some don't really care about it.

Mojo-not really but still helpful, but do you know what the line says?

[mojojojomo]

No, i can't remember. It's in one of the Pauline letters i think. I'm sure Saro can tell you, as he did bring it up in the thread on homosexual marriage.

[Romanov77]

Damn, I gotta read the bible!

Yeah, me too!

I heard that in the last part it deals with the 4 Horsemen...

[mojojojomo]

Yeah, the whole of Revelations was written in anticipation of the Apocalypse. It's some pretty buzzy reading, if you can be bothered, and is the root of much of the imagery of the West.

[TMRiddle]

I hate to wreck all the last couple pages of thread, but Christianity holds Jesus to be the "New Covenant", which pre-empts the Old Covenant (all of the mosaic laws in the Old Testament). To be saved all you have to do is acknowledge you are a sinner and ask forgiveness. Jesus broke a good number of the Old Testament laws.

The Revelation is a vision which St. John had, and it deals with the end of material space and time and the preeminence of a state of timeless eternity.

[Kingcrazygenius]

*moses comes down from the moutain holding 3 tablets*

Moses: The Lord Jehovah has given upon us fifteen...

*one tablet drops*

Moses: ...TEN! Ten commandments for all to obey.

And that is why we're all going to Hell

[GreatDarkKnight]

Makes you wonder what was on the broken one.

Thou shall not fart in public?
Thou shall not drop command tablets?

We may never know.

[Exar]

I hate it when I do this...


These are jewish laws and (assuming what I have been taught is correct... which is sometimes hard to tell) that doesn't mean, as a Christian, I would have to follow these laws. These things are in the section are the history of the Jews after there exodus from Eypty... when they start pillaging the country side in the name of God (this is to put in bluntly).

These are more Jewish then Christian. Though as Christians we are required to learn about them.



I beleive you are right good sir


Correct. However, you must look at the setting of the e-mail- in that it's a response to those who would do the same thing, only they're taking one or two passages out of Leviticus (sp?) to validate their views. Fighting on the same turf so to speak.

[Yokuma]

I think more people today are choosing to believe in a God rather than a religion, because religions tend to be contradictory, and I would think it to be extremely complicated for any religion to decide what is wrong and what is right in every situation in the whole world.

But...sigh, proving God doesn't exist is like proving that a Samsquantch doesn't exist.

But proving he exists is easy! Just ask Bubbles...or you could read the bible for definitive proof! The bible was written for the time...and it should stay in that time.

Whatever, worship what you want you silly slaves.

Oh, am I being too harsh? Sorry folks, it might cheer you up if you read the bible and it tells you that I will go to hell. And I'm sooooo scared.

So scared that maybe I should stop being a sinner and contribute some money donations to the church! Yes, why not!? Yes, I will devote my life to the Lord. I will live for HIM. My life is forfeit, it's HIM that is important, not me. I understand that now. [/sarcasm]

[Nio the Namless]

But proving he exists is easy! Just ask Bubbles...or you could read the bible for definitive proof! The bible was written for the time...and it should stay in that time.

Whatever, worship what you want you silly slaves.

Oh, am I being too harsh? Sorry folks, it might cheer you up if you read the bible and it tells you that I will go to hell. And I'm sooooo scared.

So scared that maybe I should stop being a sinner and contribute some money donations to the church! Yes, why not!? Yes, I will devote my life to the Lord. I will live for HIM. My life is forfeit, it's HIM that is important, not me. I understand that now. [/sarcasm]
You know you where doing good before this, why the sudden change of tone?


Exar-Yes you are correct, though I notice alot of people confusing Christianity and Jewish Laws.

[EmBaLm3d cha0s]

Hey Nio now that FI is over areyou going to discontinue your pirate thread?

[Kingcrazygenius]

A forum idol thread should be like any other thread. Ergo it should end like any other thread.

[Nio the Namless]

Hey Nio now that FI is over areyou going to discontinue your pirate thread?
I just take breaks on the weekends Arg!